Today was good.
( daily nattering )
I was taking a dish back to the kitchen just now when I felt something else surprising: I was happy. It was that feeling of being exactly where I ought to be, doing what I needed to be doing, keeping my life humming along. Not fighting against the current, not daydreaming or escaping. Knowing that I was in the right flow of things. I used to get it sometimes at my last job, on days when I felt YES, this is what I need to be doing with my life -- and it feels a lot like home -- the kind of home that you carry with you. Home, in your place in the flow of things, no matter where you physically are at that moment. (To a lesser extent, I feel it in circle, when everybody's in the right position and they're each doing their thing and the energy is moving. Flow.)
I missed that feeling.
And I'm scared as hell about the job thing. Moving home to be near family is good, but ya gotta have income. I still think it looks stupid to go back to a state with one of the worst unemployment rates in the country, especially when the general lack of jobs was one of the biggest reasons why we left in the first place, four years ago. But when this feeling shows up? I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing. I don't fucking know why, but I'm doing it.
( daily nattering )
I was taking a dish back to the kitchen just now when I felt something else surprising: I was happy. It was that feeling of being exactly where I ought to be, doing what I needed to be doing, keeping my life humming along. Not fighting against the current, not daydreaming or escaping. Knowing that I was in the right flow of things. I used to get it sometimes at my last job, on days when I felt YES, this is what I need to be doing with my life -- and it feels a lot like home -- the kind of home that you carry with you. Home, in your place in the flow of things, no matter where you physically are at that moment. (To a lesser extent, I feel it in circle, when everybody's in the right position and they're each doing their thing and the energy is moving. Flow.)
I missed that feeling.
And I'm scared as hell about the job thing. Moving home to be near family is good, but ya gotta have income. I still think it looks stupid to go back to a state with one of the worst unemployment rates in the country, especially when the general lack of jobs was one of the biggest reasons why we left in the first place, four years ago. But when this feeling shows up? I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing. I don't fucking know why, but I'm doing it.